From the heart


But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height…The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

I’ve been struck lately how much people are affected by technology. I find myself longing for the days before my smart phone, the days when I couldn’t imagine why I would need such a device. Yet, here I am, looking at my friends’ “stories,” shopping for everything from boots to cat food, and yes, even playing games. How I managed to comparison shop and travel and communicate before this handy device, I only vaguely recall. 

They now can compare themselves and their accomplishments or lack thereof to basically the entire world. No pressure there. 

I look at my son’s generation and wonder how they can even imagine life without technology. With all of its convenience, one might think that life should be easier in general, but the ease it presents is really only surface deep. I have to wonder at how rampant chronic depression and anxiety fit into this equation. For so many young people, there’s more than just the old “keeping up with the Jones’” on their street. They now can compare themselves and their accomplishments or lack thereof to basically the entire world. No pressure there. 

Some studies have shown that there are some positive effects of technology for adolescents–like providing a means to connect with others, which gives some the support they need to deal with their problems and feel like someone out there knows them and what they are going through. I get it. I’ve felt that way many times, and utilizing social media groups and text chains helps me get through some hard days. On the flip side, however, especially for adolescents who may not have stability in their home lives or friendships, searching for purpose and identity online can be destructive, or even dangerous. 

“Some studies suggest that there are positive aspects of online technology, especially in providing opportunities for youth to develop and maintain a sense of connectedness in an online environment, while other studies suggest that young people’s use of online technology creates the opposite and leads to feelings of loneliness, depression and social anxiety, and creates mental health challenges among adolescents.” https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40894-015-0013-9

Although it’s rather easy to paint a picture of oneself online that appears to be content and stable, it’s really only a matter of time before that facade breaks down. The discontent, loneliness, self-loathing, or whatever insecurity plagues someone will eventually bleed through. The scary part is that often the signs are vague or unclear, and some people resort to extremes without ever getting the help they need. Only the Lord knows what’s in the heart; I pray for my friends and family, and myself, for wisdom in navigating these deep waters.

Running from rejection…

“I can’t explain it. I know I shall probably never see him again. I cannot bear to think that he is alive in the world…and thinking ill of me.” Elizabeth Bennet, film adaptation of Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice

What if Elizabeth had never seen Mr. Darcy again? What if she had never humbled herself to thank him for his kindness because she was too afraid that he’d reject her? What a different story it would have been! I am well-acquainted with rejection; most people are. I have yet to run into anyone who loves experiencing it, though, for obvious reasons. No one wants to feel unneeded, unvalued, or unloved.

Although I don’t consider myself a fearful person, upon closer reflection, I find that I have made many decisions over the years based on an underlying fear of rejection. These were not usually major life decisions, but a subliminal training of my thought processes to shy away from situations where I could potentially experience rejection. The shift from avoiding rejection to avoiding human interaction is not far-fetched at all.

…“smallish” choices have somewhat backed me into a safe, albeit lonely, corner.

This type of thinking could easily have led to my complete withdrawal from society! However, I crave human interaction, so I began to reflect on why I seem to be less social at this point more than at any prior time in my life. What did I find? A long trail of “smallish” choices that have somewhat backed me into a safe, albeit lonely, corner. Such seemingly insignificant decisions as shopping online instead of entering an actual store or choosing an online course over a traditional educational setting have allowed me to avoid interacting with people in the “risky,” in-person fashion.

How anti-climatic and forgettable their stories would be without those moments!

Looking back, I have rationalized that choices such as these are just to make life easier–and they have, but at what cost? Technology does make life easier on many fronts, but it also allows us to hide from each other and avoid confrontation of actual feelings. I have to imagine if some of my favorite literary characters had avoided confrontation, how they might have behaved if they had the option to text instead of having a conversation. How anti-climatic and forgettable their stories would be without those moments! If Mr. Darcy had texted Elizabeth his proposal from the safety of his aunt’s mansion, we as readers would have been deprived of his appealing vulnerability and Elizabeth’s seemingly justified and abrasive refusal of him. In turn, we also would miss out on her humble confession of misjudgement and eventual change of heart toward Mr. Darcy.

Embrace life in all of its ups and downs! For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

How much richer our lives are because of these moments as well! I am not condoning looking for confrontation, but rather embracing life in all of its ups and downs. Technology has its place, but shouldn’t be a tool for enabling fear. For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7