Hidden in my heart

by BetsyFaithPosted on No Comments

When I was very young, I participated in a program under BMA (Bible Memory Association) that focused on memorizing a verse each week from a publication they had released. The verses were in alphabetical order based on the first letter of each verse, with a few exceptions for some of the more obscure letters like “X” and “Z.” I was unable to find an original copy of the book, but I found one similar from another publisher that is almost identical. With the approach of the birth of my first grandchild (in roughly 26 weeks), I want to revisit a verse in this book each week and share something I’ve learned or clung to, having “hidden” each of these verses in my young heart so many years ago. My hope is to convey something personal and meaningful to her and perhaps share in establishing the same rock solid foundation for her that I was blessed to have in my youth.

I always remembered the picture of the lamb included with the first verse in the book, but I’d forgotten the tear rolling down its cheek. The lamb had wandered off and was lost, and that was why it was sad. Even in my young mind I knew that being lost was a terrible place to be. One of my earliest memories–I was about three years old–involved being dropped off at the house of my babysitter when my mother was helping out in the lunchroom at my brother’s school. I had been dropped off many times, apparently without incident, but the time I recall was when I tried to open the door and it was locked. I banged my little fists on the door and cried and cried, but no one came for what seemed like hours to me. I remember turning back toward the road, looking for someone to help, but no one came. Someone finally opened the door of the house and brought me in, but I don’t remember that at all–only the traumatic experience of being locked out and alone. 

I never wanted my child to experience that terror that I remembered. Though I didn’t consciously think about it, I always had a built-in sense that I needed to physically see my son safely inside any place I took him; he never had to knock and wait for admittance at daycare or school or wherever. Looking back, I believe it’s because of my own experience and consequent determination that no one, particularly my child, should ever have to feel so afraid, especially at such a young age. I believe the lessons we keep from our youth impact us throughout our lives; I will endeavor to explore some of the important ones from my experience in the weeks ahead.

Image by Engin Akyurt from Pixabay

The Spin Doctors

by BetsyLife, poetryPosted on No Comments
If you give a nation a virus,
And the news promotes panic and fear,
The masses will listen and submit to the anchors
Who dictate what happens that year.

“There won’t be enough equipment
And not enough hospital beds
For all those smitten with the merciless virus,
So we all must do something instead.”

“Lock yourselves in your homes,
Every town in the land;
Stay apart for awhile, and
For Pete’s sake, wash your hands.”

The weeks will drag into months.
The schools and businesses will close.
The education of millions will be mediocre at best.
The economy will suffer a blow.

Though the people will make the best of it
For as long as they possibly can,
They’ll become restless and long for the freedom
They knew before this ordeal began.

“We’re all in this together,”
Will be the motto for a time,
But show them the image of one vast injustice,
And the focus will shift on a dime.

Send out some minions to instigate
The violence, hate, and unrest.
The pawns will follow and be led to believe
That destruction and chaos are best.

Though only a few are extreme in this way,
They’ll believe the whole world full of hate.
Keep fueling the hatred with obscure stories,
Feeding the fire and sealing their fate.

They’ll attack themselves and their history
Erasing the past, and then…
The lessons they’d learned through the centuries 
Will have to be learned again.

Be wary of those who speak common sense
For truth has the power of peace.
Keep the masses in darkness with no glimpse of hope,
And life as they knew it will cease.

They’ll forget the original reasons
For closing the whole country down.
They’ll surrender their freedoms little by little,
Believing their safety is found.

Silence the voices that point out the flaws 
In this elaborate, chaotic plan.
One little light in the midst of the darkness
Can damage like nothing else can.

Only report on the casualties
Because truly, there’ll be loss and sorrow, 
But refrain from the focus on how many recover
Because the numbers will give hope for tomorrow.

The people will rely on the media
To give them the “facts” that they hear.
Keep them distracted, take more of their freedom,
In this memorable election year.

Promote the chaos and uncertainty
With no resolution in sight,
And the country will be eating from the palm of your hand,
Believing what is wrong is now right.

When the right hand is left out…

by BetsyFaith, LifePosted on No Comments

I’ve been spending quite a bit of time shooting hoops lately in order to break up the utter monotony of my solitary work days. I have always had an unconventional way of shooting, but it works for me—I have a two-handed shot. Most people use one hand to propel the ball and the other to guide it, but no, not me.

I sincerely missed my right hand and its reliability!

My unique shooting style was not by conscious choice. During the summer before my freshman year in high school, I was in a car accident wherein one of my injuries was a broken right elbow. Since I am right-handed, I started high school trying to develop some ambidextrous skills.

Though my handwriting left much to be desired, it actually improved over time (this was long before computers or even word processors—okay, I’ve lost most of the modern world on that one…). Since my friends and I were very much obsessed with basketball, I often hung around while they played, and I practiced spinning the ball using my left hand. Again, this skill began to improve over time, but I sincerely missed my right hand and its reliability!

…it would never be the same.

Eventually, after two surgeries and weeks of physical therapy, I was able to use my right arm again—but it would never be the same. The effects of not using that arm had caused the muscles to atrophy, and though I regained strength over time, I had resorted to relying on my left arm to compensate on so many levels. I discovered that I could actually spin the basketball really easily with my right hand, though I had never done it before that point. Using my left hand immediately seemed foreign and awkward when it came to spinning the ball, though I had been practicing with it for weeks.

…a teammate tried to convince me to alter my shot…

On the other hand (pun intended?) when it came to shooting, I found that I lacked the strength to propel the ball to the hoop with my now inferior right arm, so I shifted my entire approach to split the aim and the strength between both of my arms. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. I gained accuracy, however, and I played basketball that way all through high school. When I went to college, a teammate tried to convince me to alter my shot, and I gave it a try, but it was an utter failure. Four years was more than enough to establish the habit, and even if I didn’t look like the other girls when I shot, I was much more accurate with my own way of shooting.

Events and choices affect us often for years after the fact. Some adults in my life told me years later that I was a much more serious teenager after experiencing the ordeal of that car accident. Though I am sure their observations were correct on some level, I didn’t focus on the accident or see myself that way—I remember enjoying the challenge of spinning that basketball on my left hand and seeing how well I could sign my name with my left hand and playing seasons of basketball with my lifelong friends, and shooting the ball with both hands. 

It’s always a choice of what we take away from an experience…

It’s always a choice of what we take away from an experience; that ordeal shaped part of who I am today. I had begun to learn the lifelong lesson of trusting God with my weaknesses since what I’d relied on for strength was taken away. Psalm 46:1-3 says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.” After this ordeal, I learned to appreciate my physical strength when it returned though I had begun to understand that God’s strength is what I needed–He never leaves me, no matter the problem or storm. 

When the big things work out…

by BetsyFaith, LifePosted on No Comments

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. [Psalm 23:4-6]

When I was young, I used to go to a tanning salon…let me rephrase that…a very questionable shack connected to someone’s house with a tanning bed in it. The tanning bed worked fine, except for the timer. There was a chair in the room with a kitchen timer on it, and that was what was used so you didn’t spend too long in the “oven.” One time I arrived at the place, and no one was there, but the owner allowed people to just go in and use the tanning bed even if she wasn’t home. I didn’t usually use the timer, but I went ahead and cranked it over to 20 minutes before laying down. After a few minutes in the bed, my mind wandered to all sorts of thoughts, and before I knew it, I was sound asleep. A moment later, I woke to the obnoxious sound of the timer ringing two feet from my head. I have been thankful for years that I didn’t cook that day.

While I was in college, I drove an older car that had its share of issues, but it typically got me from point A to point B without much trouble. One Friday night, I had traveled about 300 miles to visit friends in another state, and when I returned on that Sunday, I made a couple of stops along the way for gas or snacks. When I returned to campus, I pulled into the driveway at my friend’s house and went inside to visit her and others that lived there. I went back out to the car to go to my dorm, and the car wouldn’t start. The starter had died. Though it wasn’t a cheap fix, I was thankful it didn’t quit on one of those stops during my travels.

The light went out, again.

When I was a sophomore in college, I had the opportunity to attend a May term in France for three weeks; it was a memorable trip in many ways. One incident I had wished to forget involved the motel where our group stayed and a rather immodest, indecent guest. A group of about six of us returned to the motel late one night and discovered a nude Frenchman wandering the halls. He seemed to have disappeared to his own room, we assumed, and then a couple of us went back into the hall to go use the showers, which had their own entrances from the hallway around the corner from our rooms. I was about to step into the shower when the light went out. Since it was late, I assumed that I had forgotten to lock the door; the showers were equipped with automatic lights that turned off after the door was unlocked for a number of seconds. After locking the door, I stepped into the shower and proceeded to lather up the bar of soap. The light went out, again. Realizing in a split second that the door was moving slowly open, I slammed my soapy body into it with all of my strength and relocked the door. I shouted repeatedly and stood there bracing the door, trembling but determined that it would not open again. After several minutes of shouting, I dressed in every piece of clothing I had in there with me, and finally built up the nerve to return to the room that I shared with two other girls on the trip. No one was in the hallway as I ran to the room and fumbled with the keypad to gain access inside. I was a sight, my hair still dripping and my clothes clinging to my soap-covered body. My friends looked at me and said, “What’s wrong?” I explained what had happened, and one of them said that she had entered the shower next door to mine, but had returned to the room to get something, and saw the nude man wandering the hall again, so she decided not to shower that night. I was just thankful that I returned safely to the room unscathed.

…without my faith, those other events could have destroyed me…

Many difficult situations have arisen in my life, and I have had to face them like everyone else has. The incidents that I have written about here turned out much better than they could have, and like I said, not all of my life events have had such desirable results. The point is, without my faith, those other events could have destroyed me, as could these had they turned out differently. I am thankful to be here today to share my stories and what I have learned. Please share something you have learned from an event in your life in the comments.

Running from rejection…

by BetsyFaith, LifePosted on No Comments

“I can’t explain it. I know I shall probably never see him again. I cannot bear to think that he is alive in the world…and thinking ill of me.” Elizabeth Bennet, film adaptation of Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice

What if Elizabeth had never seen Mr. Darcy again? What if she had never humbled herself to thank him for his kindness because she was too afraid that he’d reject her? What a different story it would have been! I am well-acquainted with rejection; most people are. I have yet to run into anyone who loves experiencing it, though, for obvious reasons. No one wants to feel unneeded, unvalued, or unloved.

Although I don’t consider myself a fearful person, upon closer reflection, I find that I have made many decisions over the years based on an underlying fear of rejection. These were not usually major life decisions, but a subliminal training of my thought processes to shy away from situations where I could potentially experience rejection. The shift from avoiding rejection to avoiding human interaction is not far-fetched at all.

…“smallish” choices have somewhat backed me into a safe, albeit lonely, corner.

This type of thinking could easily have led to my complete withdrawal from society! However, I crave human interaction, so I began to reflect on why I seem to be less social at this point more than at any prior time in my life. What did I find? A long trail of “smallish” choices that have somewhat backed me into a safe, albeit lonely, corner. Such seemingly insignificant decisions as shopping online instead of entering an actual store or choosing an online course over a traditional educational setting have allowed me to avoid interacting with people in the “risky,” in-person fashion.

How anti-climatic and forgettable their stories would be without those moments!

Looking back, I have rationalized that choices such as these are just to make life easier–and they have, but at what cost? Technology does make life easier on many fronts, but it also allows us to hide from each other and avoid confrontation of actual feelings. I have to imagine if some of my favorite literary characters had avoided confrontation, how they might have behaved if they had the option to text instead of having a conversation. How anti-climatic and forgettable their stories would be without those moments! If Mr. Darcy had texted Elizabeth his proposal from the safety of his aunt’s mansion, we as readers would have been deprived of his appealing vulnerability and Elizabeth’s seemingly justified and abrasive refusal of him. In turn, we also would miss out on her humble confession of misjudgement and eventual change of heart toward Mr. Darcy.

Embrace life in all of its ups and downs! For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

How much richer our lives are because of these moments as well! I am not condoning looking for confrontation, but rather embracing life in all of its ups and downs. Technology has its place, but shouldn’t be a tool for enabling fear. For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7