The Balancing Act

I wrote about having patience last time, but I feel compelled to address the opposite circumstance, as well. Sometimes life moves fast, and there’s the necessity to adapt quickly. In my experience, some of the valuable lessons I’ve learned in the long periods of waiting have helped me to respond more adequately in the times of adjustment.

Establish priorities

…having a “big picture” view of life helps in weighing those decisions, large or small, and making the most fitting choice.

When I’ve been faced with circumstances that demanded a somewhat immediate response in the past, I typically weighed the effects of my possible decisions based on my family, my career, and my home, in that order. Now that I’m in a different phase of life, I have adjusted my priorities slightly to fit my current circumstances. It isn’t always easy to make decisions on the fly, but having a “big picture” view of life helps in weighing those decisions, large or small, and making the most fitting choice.

Remain calm

“People who maintain that calm mental outlook…can see beyond the chaos and find a solution.” *

Regardless of the caliber of the decision at hand, I have found that remaining calm is always the best option. Whether the fork in the road could lead to an optimal career position versus a terrible work environment, or just the difference between a literal walk in the park versus a day at the lake, keeping a level head has always served me well. As I have gotten older, I am less likely to get rattled easily. When I have felt anxious in the past, I typically have been able to survive and overcome by relying on my faith. I realize that many people struggle with anxiety, especially when presented with a difficult decision, but that does not diminish the effects of staying calm. In fact, those who suffer from such afflictions reap the benefits of seeking out ways to keep their peace amidst stressful situations. “People who maintain that calm mental outlook while in the middle of a chaotic situation can see beyond the chaos and find a solution.” *(https://www.careeraddict.com/5-reasons-why-staying-calm-under-pressure-will-make-you-successful)

Move forward

Reliving moments in my past that I’d rather forget only brings distress and discontent.

My mantra over the last several months has been, “I cannot mess up His plan.” This wasn’t a New Year’s resolution or any type of contemplated life statute. It developed over time and surfaced in my mind at just the right moment. Having to make multiple decisions regarding the future of my career and my life in general during this past year, I have come to the conclusion that looking back for wisdom or nostalgia has its place, but that’s about it. Reliving moments in my past that I’d rather forget only brings distress and discontent. Even decisions I’ve made recently, including jobs I’d rather have not endured, have been at the very least, learning experiences. Whatever I glean from these unpleasant events becomes part of the fabric of my life going forward, but it doesn’t define my future.

Even when my plans don’t play out the way I think they should, I have to keep moving forward, not wasting time on regret or “what if I had done whatever” scenarios.

After years of waiting for the doors to open for a major life and career change, I have adopted a peace that defies common sense, that surpasses understanding (those of you who share like faith will recognize that phrase!). It hasn’t been through any plan of my own, but it has come about through all of the varied experiences in my life—intelligent design, no doubt, and far more complex than any ideas I could concoct. In Isaiah 55:9, it says, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” I don’t have to understand how or why life plays out as it does; I use my God-given free will to make choices, and I reap the benefits as well as the consequences. Even when my plans don’t play out the way I think they should, I have to keep moving forward, not wasting time on regret or “what if I had done whatever” scenarios. I have to say now, though I couldn’t see it at the time, that I’m thankful for all those years of preparation for the multitude and magnitude of changes that have made up these last twelve months of my life!

Running from rejection…

“I can’t explain it. I know I shall probably never see him again. I cannot bear to think that he is alive in the world…and thinking ill of me.” Elizabeth Bennet, film adaptation of Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice

What if Elizabeth had never seen Mr. Darcy again? What if she had never humbled herself to thank him for his kindness because she was too afraid that he’d reject her? What a different story it would have been! I am well-acquainted with rejection; most people are. I have yet to run into anyone who loves experiencing it, though, for obvious reasons. No one wants to feel unneeded, unvalued, or unloved.

Although I don’t consider myself a fearful person, upon closer reflection, I find that I have made many decisions over the years based on an underlying fear of rejection. These were not usually major life decisions, but a subliminal training of my thought processes to shy away from situations where I could potentially experience rejection. The shift from avoiding rejection to avoiding human interaction is not far-fetched at all.

…“smallish” choices have somewhat backed me into a safe, albeit lonely, corner.

This type of thinking could easily have led to my complete withdrawal from society! However, I crave human interaction, so I began to reflect on why I seem to be less social at this point more than at any prior time in my life. What did I find? A long trail of “smallish” choices that have somewhat backed me into a safe, albeit lonely, corner. Such seemingly insignificant decisions as shopping online instead of entering an actual store or choosing an online course over a traditional educational setting have allowed me to avoid interacting with people in the “risky,” in-person fashion.

How anti-climatic and forgettable their stories would be without those moments!

Looking back, I have rationalized that choices such as these are just to make life easier–and they have, but at what cost? Technology does make life easier on many fronts, but it also allows us to hide from each other and avoid confrontation of actual feelings. I have to imagine if some of my favorite literary characters had avoided confrontation, how they might have behaved if they had the option to text instead of having a conversation. How anti-climatic and forgettable their stories would be without those moments! If Mr. Darcy had texted Elizabeth his proposal from the safety of his aunt’s mansion, we as readers would have been deprived of his appealing vulnerability and Elizabeth’s seemingly justified and abrasive refusal of him. In turn, we also would miss out on her humble confession of misjudgement and eventual change of heart toward Mr. Darcy.

Embrace life in all of its ups and downs! For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

How much richer our lives are because of these moments as well! I am not condoning looking for confrontation, but rather embracing life in all of its ups and downs. Technology has its place, but shouldn’t be a tool for enabling fear. For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7