“C” is for “Children…”

by BetsyLifePosted on No Comments

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.” –Ephesians 6:1

I struggled with where to begin on this one; there are so many angles from which to approach. Each page in the ABC book includes a brief paragraph on the side to help children understand better, so I decided to start there. This one points out that obeying one’s parents may not always be easy, but it is right. It continues by saying that God has planned for children to have a mother and father to love and care for them. Upon reading this, I instantly knew where to begin.

God’s design for this world became blemished when Adam and Eve sinned, and all of us followed suit, resulting in the flawed world in which we live. The innocence of youth is eventually tainted by our experiences in this world. I had always dreamed as most little girls do of getting married and having a family; eventually, as I matured I imagined creating memories of hayrides and holidays around fireplaces and camping trips–the whole “Currier & Ives” meets “Precious Moments” lookbook. I never dreamed of being a single mother and struggling to raise a child alone–more like Paradise Lost meets Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day. 

As a little girl, I tried to obey my parents as I should, but as I mentioned last time, I also formed this paradigm in my mind that being good would ensure everything working out as it should, aka, the way I wanted it to. I’m still learning that everything works out as it should because God uses the many layers of incidents, choices, relationships, and everything else in our lives for our good–to those who love Him (Rom. 8:28). Fast forward to my young adulthood, I started seeing that circumstances weren’t always turning out how I’d expected, which opened my mind to the possibility that maybe it didn’t necessarily matter how I acted since being good wasn’t panning out. 

I eventually questioned what my motivation was in doing good, but in the interim, I made some foolish choices that laid out the trajectory of my life to come. On the other hand, I also learned that my making mistakes didn’t mean that God was no longer in control; He always knew what I was going to do and loved me anyway. He showed me that I couldn’t mess up His plan. 

All that to say, obeying one’s parents and following the Bible in general must be for the right reasons–to bring glory to God, not to achieve something via earning brownie points. By following His Word, we show our love and devotion to Him. Life is unpredictable; trusting God with our “going out” and our “coming in” (Ps. 121:8) is the only way to find peace and really find purpose in this life. I could write an entire book (maybe even a trilogy!) on the tapestry God has woven in my life despite all of the chaos, drama, and sin–as I get older, it comforts me to see some of the beauty that has arisen amidst the destruction I’ve inadvertently created and endured. Not in vain does He allow the pain that we bring upon ourselves. 

My Own Understanding

by BetsyFaith, LifePosted on 3 Comments

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. –Proverbs 3:5-6

I’ve known these verses practically since I could talk; unfortunately, sometimes when things become too commonplace in my mind, I tend to overlook the most conspicuous concepts. I have often become hung up on the “trust in the Lord” part, focusing on what that looks like in my day-to-day life. I can’t always articulate what I need to do in those times when “trust in the Lord” comes to my mind. What am I to do? Or, what am I not to do? I’ve often returned to the concept that I cannot mess up God’s plan, no matter what I choose in a challenging situation. He uses everything to work together in a most intricately brilliant fashion to bring about the necessary results.

I’ve come to the point of looking beyond the first clause of the sentence to decipher what trusting with all my heart might look like. A theme with which I’ve been wrestling this year is “lean not on your own understanding.” I have no trouble identifying what that looks like in my life; it’s only natural that as human beings, we tend to use prior knowledge and experience to make decisions and form hypotheses of sorts. I rely heavily on my own understanding–but here it clearly guides me not to lean on it. When I link this clause with the previous one, it becomes much clearer that a vital pillar in the structure of trusting the Lord is not to give ultimate credence to what I think I know or can predict or assume to be true or expected. That’s not a simple task, and like so many others, I anticipate I’ll be continuously learning to lean elsewhere for my understanding–on the only reliable source.

When I don’t know what to think or believe or choose, and I discount my own understanding, I sit in that abysmal place of indecision and pray for direction. When I don’t have a concrete plan in place and no viable option seems to stand out among the rest, what can I do? I can finish reading the verse, for starters: “In all your ways acknowledge Him…” What does that mean in the context of the situation at hand? I find peace in acknowledging His sovereignty; He has always come through, sometimes in the most unexpected ways. My encouragement for the new year is this: 1. Hide His Word in my heart. 2. Don’t overvalue my own understanding. 3. Find peace in His sovereignty.

Living In Bedford Falls

by BetsyLifePosted on One Comment

A couple of months ago, my son acquired this immense sign used in a local drama production of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” and I accompanied him when he picked it up. We have a history of moving items that require being strapped down on trailers or protruding from various windows of vehicles or beds of trucks. Some of those incidents include retrieving boards from a steep, snowy mountain road where they slid from the bed of my truck because the strap broke, losing one of my son’s downhill skis after hitting a frost heave hard enough to propel it from the bed of my truck, and nearly being flattened when trying to load a motorcycle up a ramp into the bed of my truck–okay, maybe most of our memorable fiascos involved objects escaping the bed of my truck, but I also have photographic evidence of various furniture and miscellaneous home improvement items like crown moulding extending from every window of cars and SUV’s. Suffice it to say, I’ve had enough experience in this realm to be somewhat pessimistic regarding the feasibility of moving something from point A to point B.

“Don’t worry, Mom, it won’t be like that time we….”

My son, on the other hand, always takes the optimistic point of view. Before he opens his mouth to speak, I can already hear him saying lines like “It’ll fit,” or “That’ll work,” or “Don’t worry, Mom, it won’t be like that time we….” Even when I’ve had significant and justifiable concerns about some of his endeavors, he somehow manages to be successful in making things happen. All of this to say, the “You are now in Bedford Falls” sign fell into this category of “I don’t know if it’s a good idea to move that in this vehicle.” 

The place where one rediscovers his faith or the value and purpose in life.

With about six or seven feet of sign projecting from the back window of my son’s SUV, we embarked on our expedition home; my son drove, and I embraced the front end of this massive wooden sign to keep it from bouncing up and damaging the dash or ceiling of his vehicle. We reminisced about crazier times when we’d moved things together, and then he impulsively asked, “Do you think getting this was a good idea?” Glancing back at the length of the sign, the end of which was bouncing somewhat tauntingly well behind the SUV, my eyes settled on the words, and I was able to articulate what that sign symbolized to me. Bedford Falls. The place where revelation and clarity and new vision reside. The place where one rediscovers his faith or the value and purpose in life. The pivotal moment or even the extended event when one learns a memorable lesson that changes his perspective forever. 

My son and I continued to pitch ideas back and forth as we drove the 45 minutes to his house. The sign arrived in one piece, and my arms held the indentations to mark my contribution in that effort. Although my son attempted to convince me that he and I could secure it in place high on the wall of his screen room, I also have enough experience to know my limitations in that realm as well, so I declined to participate in lieu of someone stronger and more agile than I am.

Life rarely deals an uneventful journey or a seamless transition…

Every time I walk out into his screen room and see that sign, I am reminded of what it represents. Life rarely deals an uneventful journey or a seamless transition, but I don’t have to wait for an annual Christmas movie to remember that I’m always in Bedford Falls. Having a colossal sign in front of me helps.

Image by Engin Akyurt from Pixabay

The Spin Doctors

by BetsyLife, poetryPosted on No Comments
If you give a nation a virus,
And the news promotes panic and fear,
The masses will listen and submit to the anchors
Who dictate what happens that year.

“There won’t be enough equipment
And not enough hospital beds
For all those smitten with the merciless virus,
So we all must do something instead.”

“Lock yourselves in your homes,
Every town in the land;
Stay apart for awhile, and
For Pete’s sake, wash your hands.”

The weeks will drag into months.
The schools and businesses will close.
The education of millions will be mediocre at best.
The economy will suffer a blow.

Though the people will make the best of it
For as long as they possibly can,
They’ll become restless and long for the freedom
They knew before this ordeal began.

“We’re all in this together,”
Will be the motto for a time,
But show them the image of one vast injustice,
And the focus will shift on a dime.

Send out some minions to instigate
The violence, hate, and unrest.
The pawns will follow and be led to believe
That destruction and chaos are best.

Though only a few are extreme in this way,
They’ll believe the whole world full of hate.
Keep fueling the hatred with obscure stories,
Feeding the fire and sealing their fate.

They’ll attack themselves and their history
Erasing the past, and then…
The lessons they’d learned through the centuries 
Will have to be learned again.

Be wary of those who speak common sense
For truth has the power of peace.
Keep the masses in darkness with no glimpse of hope,
And life as they knew it will cease.

They’ll forget the original reasons
For closing the whole country down.
They’ll surrender their freedoms little by little,
Believing their safety is found.

Silence the voices that point out the flaws 
In this elaborate, chaotic plan.
One little light in the midst of the darkness
Can damage like nothing else can.

Only report on the casualties
Because truly, there’ll be loss and sorrow, 
But refrain from the focus on how many recover
Because the numbers will give hope for tomorrow.

The people will rely on the media
To give them the “facts” that they hear.
Keep them distracted, take more of their freedom,
In this memorable election year.

Promote the chaos and uncertainty
With no resolution in sight,
And the country will be eating from the palm of your hand,
Believing what is wrong is now right.

Battling Logical Fallacies

by BetsyLifePosted on No Comments

Logical fallacies are commonly used by people with ulterior motives…

A few years ago, I taught a course in college writing, and part of the curriculum I covered included the range of logical fallacies—faulty reasoning that undermines an argument or may even include points that really have nothing to do with the argument being made. Logical fallacies are commonly used by people with ulterior motives, but they also are often embraced by the unsuspecting public.

…convince the masses that because many other people support an idea, then it must be correct.

One of the primary fallacies is known as the bandwagon appeal. We use the phrase “jump on the bandwagon” often to imply one is getting involved in a cause or joining a group for a purpose. Unfortunately, many people utilize this strategy to convince the masses that because many other people support an idea, then it must be correct. Arguments that garner support using the bandwagon appeal are often vague and fail to provide actual supporting facts or details.

…our emotions and prejudices run deep…

Another common logical fallacy is the ad hominem, defined by Merriam-Webster as “appealing to feelings or prejudices rather than intellect.” In more current times, this technique has grown to be more commonly known for attacking the character of a person in order to undermine his credibility or to draw attention away from the argument at hand. This strategy proves effective because our emotions and prejudices run deep, and ideas that stir them will typically get people “fired up,” so to speak.

Yet another logical fallacy is known as the red herring. This concept provides a diversion or points to a peripheral issue rather than addressing the original argument. The red herring often incorporates a touch of ad hominem by stirring the feelings of the masses in tandem with distracting from the initial claim.

Insinuate that everyone in the same line of work as the killer must also be evil…

Each one of us is responsible for his own actions. When a person kills another person, he must face the consequences of that action, regardless of any peripheral circumstances. Let’s add some fallacies to the situation. Insinuate that everyone in the same line of work as the killer must also be evil. Imply that because someone acting “nonviolently” in protest before didn’t exact change from society, then the only other option now is to act violently.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

Let’s top off this fallacy sundae with a red herring on top. Centuries of prejudice have caused yet another eruption of hatred begetting hatred. What is the underlying problem? People are sinful—murders, lies, theft, and all other depravity are part of the human condition (Jeremiah 17:9). Should we as a society go out and commit more violence each time we learn of someone committing a sin? Let’s not forget that some people have tried to address prejudice by nonviolence, but since that didn’t fix our sinful condition and yet another atrocity has occurred, the fallacy is that the only alternative must be to loot and pillage! [the “either/or” fallacy]

…said people are not reading about logical fallacies.

Teaching children about equality falls to parents and families first, followed by schools and communities. Unfortunately, many people who fail to do so, also do not value education in any form and perpetuate a life of entitlement, greed, and self-gratification at any cost. I would posit that said people are not reading about logical fallacies. I, for one, will continue to promote, support, and advocate for education–a bandwagon I consider legitimate.

When the right hand is left out…

by BetsyFaith, LifePosted on No Comments

I’ve been spending quite a bit of time shooting hoops lately in order to break up the utter monotony of my solitary work days. I have always had an unconventional way of shooting, but it works for me—I have a two-handed shot. Most people use one hand to propel the ball and the other to guide it, but no, not me.

I sincerely missed my right hand and its reliability!

My unique shooting style was not by conscious choice. During the summer before my freshman year in high school, I was in a car accident wherein one of my injuries was a broken right elbow. Since I am right-handed, I started high school trying to develop some ambidextrous skills.

Though my handwriting left much to be desired, it actually improved over time (this was long before computers or even word processors—okay, I’ve lost most of the modern world on that one…). Since my friends and I were very much obsessed with basketball, I often hung around while they played, and I practiced spinning the ball using my left hand. Again, this skill began to improve over time, but I sincerely missed my right hand and its reliability!

…it would never be the same.

Eventually, after two surgeries and weeks of physical therapy, I was able to use my right arm again—but it would never be the same. The effects of not using that arm had caused the muscles to atrophy, and though I regained strength over time, I had resorted to relying on my left arm to compensate on so many levels. I discovered that I could actually spin the basketball really easily with my right hand, though I had never done it before that point. Using my left hand immediately seemed foreign and awkward when it came to spinning the ball, though I had been practicing with it for weeks.

…a teammate tried to convince me to alter my shot…

On the other hand (pun intended?) when it came to shooting, I found that I lacked the strength to propel the ball to the hoop with my now inferior right arm, so I shifted my entire approach to split the aim and the strength between both of my arms. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. I gained accuracy, however, and I played basketball that way all through high school. When I went to college, a teammate tried to convince me to alter my shot, and I gave it a try, but it was an utter failure. Four years was more than enough to establish the habit, and even if I didn’t look like the other girls when I shot, I was much more accurate with my own way of shooting.

Events and choices affect us often for years after the fact. Some adults in my life told me years later that I was a much more serious teenager after experiencing the ordeal of that car accident. Though I am sure their observations were correct on some level, I didn’t focus on the accident or see myself that way—I remember enjoying the challenge of spinning that basketball on my left hand and seeing how well I could sign my name with my left hand and playing seasons of basketball with my lifelong friends, and shooting the ball with both hands. 

It’s always a choice of what we take away from an experience…

It’s always a choice of what we take away from an experience; that ordeal shaped part of who I am today. I had begun to learn the lifelong lesson of trusting God with my weaknesses since what I’d relied on for strength was taken away. Psalm 46:1-3 says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.” After this ordeal, I learned to appreciate my physical strength when it returned though I had begun to understand that God’s strength is what I needed–He never leaves me, no matter the problem or storm. 

Image by Souvick Ghosh from Pixabay

More than a sparrow…

by BetsyFaith, LifePosted on No Comments

And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered–Matthew 10:30

It’s funny that when my students ask me how to start an essay, I have no trouble coaching them in the right direction. When I get stumped, however, I can’t seem to get past my writer’s block half the time. Ironically, that is how I started this post after being stumped for a while. I always have something to say–I just don’t know if it’s always worth saying. I understand what the outspoken Elizabeth Bennet meant when she said to the taciturn Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, “We are each of an unsocial, taciturn disposition, unwilling to speak, unless we expect to say something that will amaze the whole room.” Sometimes powerful language is simple, not amazing.

I prayed that God would just give me a day to rest.

It was a damp, dark Friday morning a few years ago. I was disappointed to realize that I’d woken up earlier than usual. This was during an era in my life when I still hadn’t learned to prioritize opportunities and had backed myself into a corner of taking on way too much. After several weeks of just daily exhaustion, mental, emotional, and physical, I felt like I literally could not get out of bed. Though it was completely out of character for me, I began to cry, not sobbing, but I felt the tears trailing from the corners of my eyes and soaking the pillow. I prayed that God would just give me a day to rest. I longed for a snow day, but it was only October 1st. After a few minutes, the phone rang, which was extremely strange because of how early it was. Again, I thought of a snow day, but I could hear the rain pounding on the roof. I lifted the receiver (yes, I still had a landline), and I listened to the recorded voice on the other end say that school was cancelled. I dropped the phone. I thought I was either dreaming or someone was pranking an unsuspecting teacher. Upon flicking on the TV, however, the message was confirmed as I saw my school’s name scrolling alone across the bottom of the screen. And then, there it was–the reason. A power outage. It had been raining hard all night and apparently some pooling water had caused a significant problem at the substation near the school that was going to take several hours to address. I began to sob, albeit a happy sob, and repeated, “Thank You, God! Thank You! Thank You!” I turned off the TV and laid back onto the pillow and slept the day away. 

Sometimes it’s that simple.

Two days later, I shared at our little church how God had shut down a power grid to give me exactly what I needed in the moment I needed it. He had even woken me up early to share the moment of revelation. He knows who I am and what I need, even when I don’t have a clue. Sometimes it’s that simple. In the overcomplications of life, it’s good to have a reminder once in a while that I’m not in control, but the One Who is, knows what He’s doing. 

The Light on Black Friday

by BetsyLife, ParentingPosted on No Comments

Driving around today, I was waiting at a stoplight to turn left, and a couple of vehicles were in the lane to my right. I was amused to see the rear one creep up to the bumper of the car in front of him and honk, obviously urging him to turn right when no other vehicles were coming. When the offending driver finally pulled out into the furthest lane, the impatient driver revved his engine and tore into the road, passing the former on the right and disappearing in a few seconds. I observed this and laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation while “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” spilled from my car speakers, providing an ironic backdrop to the scene. 

I had just come from a store where I’d been disappointed that some items I had hoped to purchase were sold out. Then, I went through a drive-thru to get a coffee, only to be disappointed that they were out of what I had wanted to order. Though I wasn’t in the foul mood that that other driver was evidently battling today, I have been guilty of grungry (grumpy/angry?) driving myself. I have to acknowledge that all of these first-world problems are so trivial in the grand scheme of things. 

We still get together to venture out and spend some quality time.

When my son was about 11 or 12, we began getting up early on Black Friday and hitting the sales to see what deals we could score. We always had a lot of fun, though we didn’t always get what we went after. That tradition has carried forward into his adulthood, and though we haven’t really bought much on Black Friday in recent years, we still get together to venture out and spend some quality time. Retailers have begun to back up their Black Friday sales windows to encroach on the Thanksgiving holiday, but family time is still paramount to us, so we enjoy Thanksgiving dinner and then occasionally migrate to the mall in the evening. 

This year, my son, his wife, and I headed out on Thanksgiving evening; after wandering around a couple of stores, we got back in the car with a few purchases and decided to head home since it was getting late. I had decided to take a back road to the house since we had put the seats down in the back of the car, and the way we were piled in the front seat, I didn’t want to be flying down the interstate–safety first! Since we’re new to the area in which we live, I don’t know the roads that well, and although I’d been on that particular road before, it had been a few months. When we got to the end of it, I couldn’t remember which direction to turn, so I tried left and ended up at a road closure and had to turn around and go back in the other direction, which was the actual way home.

The spooked animal ran out of the road and then immediately back across the road in front of us.

As we headed back, I could see a doe in the road up ahead, so I slowed down, and we watched as the spooked animal ran out of the road and then immediately back across the road in front of us. I came to a stop and then looking out the passenger side window watched as the doe nearly collided with a buck who then ran at my car, and then swerved in a parcour-esque type motion that made us jump in our seats. They both ran off after that, and we laughed about the shenanigans of the deer, and we laughed some more a minute later when I turned down yet another wrong road. We realized it at the same moment when we saw a “No Outlet” sign. It was midnight when we finally got to the house, and another memorable Black Friday was in the books. 

I personally don’t put a lot of emphasis on material things. I see Black Friday as a tradition with my son, more so than a prime shopping time. It is a kick-off to that “Wonderful Time of the Year” when we reflect on what is most important in this life, spending time with loved ones and celebrating God’s gift of His Son–well beyond any trivial disappointments or things we can buy. 

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also ye are called…and be ye thankful. Colossians 3:15

Nothing new under the sun…

by BetsyFaith, LifePosted on No Comments

“Thou hast made us for thyself and restless is our heart until it comes to rest in thee.” Augustine (c.354-430)

It’s intriguing to read that people have been struggling with the meaning of life for millenia. Solomon, the wisest man to have ever lived, reflected on the vanity of life in the first two chapters of Ecclesiastes. He chronicled the endeavors he pursued in search of fulfillment in life and purposefully applied his mind and wisdom to exploring the many avenues that people have resorted to for centuries in pursuit of peace, including building houses, planting vineyards and gardens, and accumulating all manner of wealth. He equated all of it to chasing after the wind.

People still attempt to fill the emptiness inside with all manner of work and pleasure, yet with the same futility that Solomon found thousands of years ago. 

After exploring all of the pursuits in life available at that point in time, Solomon decided to “test” the impact of pursuing pleasure. His conclusions were the same; he likened laughter to madness and “the pull of wine” to foolishness. All of it resulted in futility in Solomon’s eyes. Life still deals us monotony and hopelessness today, just as he observed and experienced then. People still attempt to fill the emptiness inside with all manner of work and pleasure, yet with the same futility that Solomon found thousands of years ago. 

Establishing and maintaining the connection to our Creator fills the emptiness and allows us to enjoy what we have here on earth as well as anticipate the rewards of Heaven.

So where does that leave humanity? Are we to settle with lives of meaninglessness and empty pleasure? Solomon goes on in chapter three to reassure the reader that God makes everything beautiful in His time and that He has set eternity in the human heart (v. 11). He points out that people can find enjoyment in life and satisfaction in their work–these are some of God’s gifts to us (v. 12). In the final chapter of Ecclesiastes, Solomon admonishes us to fear God and keep His commandments. Establishing and maintaining the connection to our Creator fills the emptiness and allows us to enjoy what we have here on earth as well as anticipate the rewards of Heaven. Only He can provide the meaning we long for in this life.

From the heart

by BetsyLifePosted on No Comments


But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height…The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

I’ve been struck lately how much people are affected by technology. I find myself longing for the days before my smart phone, the days when I couldn’t imagine why I would need such a device. Yet, here I am, looking at my friends’ “stories,” shopping for everything from boots to cat food, and yes, even playing games. How I managed to comparison shop and travel and communicate before this handy device, I only vaguely recall. 

They now can compare themselves and their accomplishments or lack thereof to basically the entire world. No pressure there. 

I look at my son’s generation and wonder how they can even imagine life without technology. With all of its convenience, one might think that life should be easier in general, but the ease it presents is really only surface deep. I have to wonder at how rampant chronic depression and anxiety fit into this equation. For so many young people, there’s more than just the old “keeping up with the Jones’” on their street. They now can compare themselves and their accomplishments or lack thereof to basically the entire world. No pressure there. 

Some studies have shown that there are some positive effects of technology for adolescents–like providing a means to connect with others, which gives some the support they need to deal with their problems and feel like someone out there knows them and what they are going through. I get it. I’ve felt that way many times, and utilizing social media groups and text chains helps me get through some hard days. On the flip side, however, especially for adolescents who may not have stability in their home lives or friendships, searching for purpose and identity online can be destructive, or even dangerous. 

“Some studies suggest that there are positive aspects of online technology, especially in providing opportunities for youth to develop and maintain a sense of connectedness in an online environment, while other studies suggest that young people’s use of online technology creates the opposite and leads to feelings of loneliness, depression and social anxiety, and creates mental health challenges among adolescents.” https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40894-015-0013-9

Although it’s rather easy to paint a picture of oneself online that appears to be content and stable, it’s really only a matter of time before that facade breaks down. The discontent, loneliness, self-loathing, or whatever insecurity plagues someone will eventually bleed through. The scary part is that often the signs are vague or unclear, and some people resort to extremes without ever getting the help they need. Only the Lord knows what’s in the heart; I pray for my friends and family, and myself, for wisdom in navigating these deep waters.